(and How You Can Help at Home)

Starting preschool is a big milestone — for children and their grown-ups.

Whether your child runs through the door without looking back or needs a little extra reassurance at drop-off, starting preschool brings lots of new experiences. New people, new routines, new friendships and, importantly, lots of opportunities to begin doing things for themselves.

At Kind Hearts Preschools in Pilgrims Hatch, Brentwood, our aim isn't simply to care for children while they're with us. We want to help them become confident, capable young children who believe they can have a go, communicate what they need, build relationships and gradually learn to navigate the world around them.

That doesn't happen overnight.

And sometimes, learning can look a little messy.

"Why are their shoes on the wrong feet?"

Your child may occasionally come out of preschool with their jumper on backwards, shoes on the wrong feet, a slightly grubby face or hair that looks very different from how it did at drop-off.

We promise there is usually a reason!

We place a huge emphasis on independence. Children are encouraged to have a go at putting on their own coat, changing their shoes, dressing themselves, wiping their own face and managing other age-appropriate self-care tasks.

Our practitioners are always there to help when children need it, but wherever possible, we try not to automatically step in and do something for a child that they are beginning to learn to do themselves.

So, imagine a child proudly puts on their own shoes... but they're on the wrong feet.

Rather than immediately saying, "They're on the wrong feet!" and correcting them, we might say:

"Wow! You put your shoes on all by yourself! Do they feel comfortable?"

We're giving them an opportunity to notice for themselves.

They might look down and realise something isn't quite right. They might say they feel funny. They might be perfectly happy with them as they are!

That's okay.

The important part at that moment is that they did it themselves.

If they notice their shoes feel a little strange or don't look quite right, we might ask:

"Hmm... do you think they could be on the wrong feet? Would you like to swap them over and see if that feels better?"

Again, we're helping them to work it out rather than simply correcting it for them.

If every time a child struggles with a zip, puts a shoe on the wrong foot or doesn't quite manage to wipe every bit of yoghurt from their face an adult immediately takes over, the message they can unintentionally receive is:

"Adults can do this better than me."

We'd much rather the message be:

"I can have a go."

Try it at home

When time allows, resist the temptation to immediately correct or finish a task for them.

Instead, try questions such as:

"Would you like to have a go first?"

"What do you think you need to do next?"

"Does that feel comfortable?"

"Would you like some help, or do you want to keep trying?"

And when things aren't perfect, praise the effort, not just the finished result:

"You worked really hard to do that yourself."

"You kept trying even when it was tricky!"

"Look what you managed to do!"

It may take longer. It may not be perfect. But that's where the learning happens.

"They had a disagreement over a toy..."

For many children, preschool is one of their first experiences of regularly being part of a larger group.

Suddenly, there are lots of other little people with their own ideas, wants and feelings — and sometimes two children want exactly the same digger at exactly the same moment!

Learning to navigate this is a huge part of children's development.

There may be disagreements. Someone might grab a toy. Two children might both insist they had it first. Occasionally there may even be a tussle over something particularly exciting.

Our job isn't simply to swoop in and decide who gets the toy.

Instead, we help children learn how to navigate the situation.

For example, if one child wants something another child is playing with, we might explain:

"They're still playing with that at the moment, and they don't have to give it up straight away. What could we do while we wait?"

We might suggest:

"Could you ask them if you can have a turn when they've finished?"

Or:

"I wonder if they'd like to swap for something else?"

And we help the child currently playing understand how they can respond too:

"You can tell them, 'I'm still playing with it. You can have it when I'm finished.'"

This is an important distinction for us.

We encourage kindness and generosity, but we don't believe children should always be forced to immediately "share" something simply because another child wants it.

Adults don't work like that either!

Instead, children begin to learn about taking turns, negotiating, waiting, communicating and respecting other people's boundaries.

Try it at home

The language we use around sharing can make a surprisingly big difference.

Rather than automatically saying:

"You need to share!"

Try:

"They're using that at the moment. What could you do while you wait?"

"You really want that toy. Shall we ask if you can have a turn when they're finished?"

And if your child is the one who doesn't want to give something up:

"You don't have to give it to them while you're still playing. Can you tell them you'll let them know when you're finished?"

This helps children understand that their boundaries matter — and other people's boundaries matter too.

"What if another child does something they don't like?"

Preschool friendships aren't always straightforward.

Children are still learning how their actions affect other people. They're developing impulse control, language and emotional regulation — and none of those things are fully developed yet.

So, alongside teaching children to be kind, we also want them to have the confidence to advocate for themselves.

If another child grabs something, gets too close, knocks down their tower or does something they don't like, we help children find the words they need.

That might sound like:

"Stop. I don't like that."

"I'm playing with this."

"Please give me some space."

"Can I have that back?"

And, importantly:

"I need help."

Our practitioners can role-model these words, say them alongside a child initially and gradually encourage them to use them independently.

We're not expecting young children to manage difficult situations alone. An adult is there to support, guide and step in when necessary.

But rather than always speaking for children, we want to gradually give them the confidence to speak for themselves.

Try it at home

You can practise these phrases when everyone is calm — perhaps through toys or role play.

A teddy could take another teddy's toy and you could ask:

"Oh no! Teddy didn't like that. What could Teddy say?"

You can also give children simple phrases they can remember:

"Stop, I don't like that."

"I'm using it."

"Can I have a turn next?"

"Help please."

They're tiny sentences, but they're powerful tools for a young child.

"What if they get it wrong?"

We hope they do sometimes!

Getting things wrong is an important part of learning.

A tower that falls down, a coat that won't zip, shoes on the wrong feet or a disagreement that didn't quite go to plan all give children an opportunity to think, try something different and learn for next time.

You'll often hear us say things like:

"That didn't work. What could we try instead?"

"Hmm... I wonder why that happened?"

"Would you like to try again?"

"Do you need some help, or are you still figuring it out?"

We don't want children to become worried about getting things "wrong". We want them to feel confident enough to try, knowing that mistakes are part of learning.

That also means we're careful about jumping in too quickly.

Sometimes a child is concentrating incredibly hard on solving a problem and an adult's instinct is to help. But by giving them just a little more time, we might get to witness that wonderful moment when they suddenly work it out for themselves.

And then it's theirs.

They didn't do it because an adult showed them how. They discovered that they were capable of figuring it out.

Try it at home

If something doesn't work, try resisting the urge to immediately give them the answer.

Instead:

"Oops! That didn't quite work. What else could we try?"

"What do you think happened?"

"Would you like another go?"

And if you make a mistake, let them see it:

"Oh! I got that wrong. Never mind — I'll try again."

Showing children that adults make mistakes too helps them understand that getting something wrong isn't something to be embarrassed about.

It's simply part of learning.

"Why are they covered in mud?"

Because they probably had a brilliant time!

We believe children need opportunities to explore freely.

That means paint, sand, water, mud, glue, grass and occasionally substances that seem to have an extraordinary ability to appear on clothing despite nobody remembering actually playing with them.

We will, of course, support children with hygiene and self-care. We remind children to wash their hands before eating and whenever needed after messy play, but wherever appropriate, we encourage them to take an active role in looking after themselves.

Rather than automatically wiping a child's face, we might offer them a cloth and a mirror:

"You've got some yoghurt on your cheek. Can you see it? Would you like to wipe it?"

They may not get every last bit.

That's okay.

They're learning to recognise and manage their own care needs.

So, if there's still a tiny bit of yoghurt on their cheek at home time, it doesn't necessarily mean nobody noticed it.

They may have proudly cleaned their own face — and we think that's worth celebrating too.

Try it at home

A small mirror at child height can be brilliant for developing independence.

Instead of:

"Your face is filthy — come here!"

Try:

"Have a look in the mirror. Can you see anything on your face?"

You can then ask:

"What could you use to clean it?"

The same principle works for washing hands, brushing hair, getting dressed and tidying belongings away.

The aim isn't perfection. It's awareness and participation.

"But what are they actually learning?"

One of our favourite preschool conversations probably happens in homes everywhere:

"What did you do today?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I played."

And that's exactly what we want them to do.

Play is how young children make sense of their world.

Building a tower involves problem-solving, early maths, coordination and perseverance.

Making a mud pie can involve measuring, comparing, imagination, language and sensory exploration.

Playing shops involves communication, negotiation, counting, turn-taking and understanding the world.

Trying unsuccessfully to get a coat zipped up for five minutes involves concentration, coordination, problem-solving, resilience and eventually a huge sense of achievement.

Our practitioners observe children's play, notice where their interests and learning are taking them and look for opportunities to extend it naturally.

Sometimes that means joining in.

Sometimes it means asking a carefully timed question.

Sometimes it means adding something new to the environment.

And sometimes the best thing an adult can do is stand back and give a child the time to work something out for themselves.

Try it at home

You don't need special educational activities to extend your child's learning.

Simply become curious about what they're doing.

Instead of asking questions where there is only one right answer, such as:

"What colour is that?"

Try:

"Tell me about what you've made."

"I wonder what would happen if...?"

"How did you do that?"

"What could we try next?"

"That didn't work how you expected. What else could you try?"

There is absolutely a place for helping children learn colours, numbers, shapes and other facts. But open-ended questions give children something different: an opportunity to think, experiment, solve problems and explain their own ideas.

And sometimes their answers are much more interesting than the one we were expecting!

"How can I help them settle into preschool?"

Perhaps one of the most important messages you can give your child when they start preschool is:

"You can do this."

It's completely normal for children to need reassurance while they're settling. Some children skip in happily from day one; others need much more time to build relationships and feel secure.

Every child is different, and we will work with you to help your child feel safe, secure and comfortable with us.

At home, try to talk positively and confidently about preschool.

Instead of repeatedly asking:

"Are you nervous about preschool?"

You might say:

"I wonder what you'll choose to play with today?"

"I can't wait to hear what you discover."

"Who do you think you might play with?"

And at collection time, rather than putting them on the spot with:

"What did you do today?"

try something more specific:

"What made you laugh today?"

"Did anything surprise you?"

"Who did you play with?"

"What was the messiest thing you did?"

"Did you do anything that felt tricky?"

"What are you proud of doing today?"

You may get much more than "nothing"!

And if you don't? That's okay too.

Preschool can be a busy day for a young child. Sometimes they need time to decompress before they're ready to tell you all about it — and sometimes they'll suddenly tell you a fascinating story about something that happened three days ago while you're trying to get them into bed!

The bigger picture

When we talk about preparing children for their future, it's easy to focus on what they know.

Can they count? Can they recognise their name? Can they write? Do they know their colours?

Those things will come.

But we're also interested in who they are becoming.

Can they have a go?

Can they ask for help?

Can they tell somebody when they don't like something?

Can they cope when another child has the toy they want?

Can they begin to look after their own belongings and personal care?

Can they make choices?

Can they solve a problem?

Can they keep trying when something is difficult?

Can they make a mistake without being afraid to try again?

Can they be kind while still understanding that their own boundaries matter too?

These skills aren't always as easy to photograph or put on a display board.

But they're incredibly important.

Our role isn't to remove every difficulty, prevent every disagreement, correct every mistake or do everything perfectly for children.

It's to be there beside them while they learn how to navigate those things for themselves — offering reassurance when they need it, modelling the words they haven't found yet, asking questions that help them think and stepping in when they genuinely need our help.

Little by little, we can step back as they discover:

"I can do this."

So, when your child comes running out at the end of the day with mud on their cheek, their jumper inside out and their shoes on the wrong feet...

Before you straighten everything out, ask them:

"Did you do that all by yourself?"

Because there's a good chance they'll very proudly tell you:

"YES!"

And that's exactly the kind of confidence we're trying to build.